Is it inappropriate to invite all my coworkers except for one person to an event?
I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.
I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
colleagues relationships
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.
I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
colleagues relationships
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
1
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago
add a comment |
I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.
I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
colleagues relationships
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. The other guy has sexually harassed me and my wife separately (my wife doesn't work here), gets really drunk and says racist things, and has to dominate every conversation.
I've recently moved to a new house, and I'd like to have my work friends over for a dinner party. I know it would be a ton of fun with the coworkers I'm close with, and this guy would absolutely ruin it. Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
colleagues relationships
colleagues relationships
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
asked 5 hours ago
synthesissynthesis
291
291
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
synthesis is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
1
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago
add a comment |
1
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
1
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago
1
1
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
1
1
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago
add a comment |
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.
If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).
If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
add a comment |
Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
It's your party.
That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.
But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.
You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.
The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
add a comment |
If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.
But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
add a comment |
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4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.
If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).
If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
add a comment |
If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.
If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).
If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
add a comment |
If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.
If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).
If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
If you are all peers, it is simply very, very rude. It sounds like you may not care about that, since the person who you want to exclude deserves to be excluded.
If you are a manager, then it gets problematic, rather than just rude. According to Alison at AskAManager, you are opening yourself up to legitimate charges of favoritism. If you are in HR, that could also be a problem (Another AskAManager link).
If you are all peers, and you want to send a message as well as have a good time, then invite all but the one co-worker.
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
answered 5 hours ago
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
28.4k1350108
28.4k1350108
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
add a comment |
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
7
7
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
The only think I'd change is that here it isn't rude; someone who has harassed you shouldn't expect to be invited anywhere.
– dbeer
4 hours ago
2
2
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
It is rude but like it is rude to insult someone that just punched you, an insult is rude by definition. I think what @thursdaysgeek meant is just that the other employee will feel insulted by being the only one not invited, whether the OP cares about it is up to him.
– Echox
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
@Echox very much yes.
– thursdaysgeek
4 hours ago
add a comment |
Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
It's your party.
That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
It's your party.
That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
It's your party.
That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
Would it be inappropriate to purposely exclude this guy?
It's your party.
That means you get to invite whoever you like and exclude whoever you choose.
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
answered 4 hours ago
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
244k1197121012
244k1197121012
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
1
1
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
And he can cry if he wants to* (when the relationship with that co-worker sours even more) (*that song just popped into my head when I saw your comment)
– Peter M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.
But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.
You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.
The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
add a comment |
Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.
But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.
You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.
The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
add a comment |
Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.
But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.
You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.
The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
Yes it would be rude, and the possible awkwardness is a risk that you would have to be willing to deal with.
But of course, not inviting him is the right move to make. Him spoiling your party sounds like a far worse outcome.
You just need to prepared for some perhaps passive-aggressive dynamics in the workplace - but I imagine this guy knows why he is being excluded.
The other awkward scenario is that he directly confronts you why he wasn't invited, in which case you can give him an honest and direct answer.
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
answered 3 hours ago
dwjohnstondwjohnston
986515
986515
add a comment |
add a comment |
If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.
But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
add a comment |
If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.
But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
add a comment |
If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.
But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
If it is not workplace related then you can invite whoever you want.
But if it can somehow be seen as workplace related then this would constitute bullying by exclusion.
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
answered 5 hours ago
solarflaresolarflare
5,87821333
5,87821333
add a comment |
add a comment |
synthesis is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
synthesis is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
synthesis is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
synthesis is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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1
Do HR or your boss know about the sexual harassment already? If not, do you have enough documentation (dates, times, details, witnesses if any) to back it up if asked? If HR doesn't know or doesn't believe you, and the guy complains about being excluded, it could be hard to deal with.
– Kevin
5 hours ago
1
Yes HR knows, several employees have filed complaints over the past year and nothing's happened.
– synthesis
5 hours ago
Are they all peers, or are any of you in management?
– thursdaysgeek
5 hours ago
It's not a work-related function so no it's inappropriate. I'd recommend adding significant others or other friends to the mix so it isn't just your work friends. Seems less cliquey that way.
– jcmack
1 hour ago