My son embarrassed me in front of my coworkers; how should I react to provocations?
We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.
It was literally a few feet away from out house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.
Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossiping).
I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).
I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.
Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".
Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:
Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
And Fattie's:
NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.
work-environment colleagues gossip
New contributor
|
show 2 more comments
We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.
It was literally a few feet away from out house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.
Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossiping).
I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).
I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.
Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".
Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:
Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
And Fattie's:
NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.
work-environment colleagues gossip
New contributor
4
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
9
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
1
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.
It was literally a few feet away from out house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.
Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossiping).
I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).
I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.
Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".
Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:
Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
And Fattie's:
NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.
work-environment colleagues gossip
New contributor
We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.
It was literally a few feet away from out house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.
Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossiping).
I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).
I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.
Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".
Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:
Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
And Fattie's:
NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.
work-environment colleagues gossip
work-environment colleagues gossip
New contributor
New contributor
edited 34 mins ago
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asked 16 hours ago
Mom344Mom344
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4
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
9
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
1
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
4
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
9
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
1
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago
4
4
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
9
9
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
3
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
1
1
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
8 Answers
8
active
oldest
votes
To literally answer your question:
"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"
Do exactly this:
Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"
Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.
If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!
Say and do nothing else whatsoever.
It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.
That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.
They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.
If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.
The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
|
show 6 more comments
I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.
Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.
With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!
add a comment |
Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.
Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.
Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.
How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:
"So embarrassing!"
or
"I was mortified."
But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.
If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:
"We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"
The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.
New contributor
add a comment |
Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.
It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.
add a comment |
As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.
New contributor
add a comment |
I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.
For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.
To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.
Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.
I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.
Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.
New contributor
add a comment |
The importance of this event is only in your mind. Consider watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al6avEKEpJ0&t=3s
New contributor
add a comment |
8 Answers
8
active
oldest
votes
8 Answers
8
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
To literally answer your question:
"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"
Do exactly this:
Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"
Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.
If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!
Say and do nothing else whatsoever.
It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.
That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
To literally answer your question:
"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"
Do exactly this:
Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"
Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.
If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!
Say and do nothing else whatsoever.
It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.
That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
To literally answer your question:
"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"
Do exactly this:
Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"
Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.
If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!
Say and do nothing else whatsoever.
It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.
That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.
To literally answer your question:
"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"
Do exactly this:
Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"
Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.
If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!
Say and do nothing else whatsoever.
It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.
That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.
answered 12 hours ago
FattieFattie
9,80341932
9,80341932
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
4
4
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
I don't think it's necessarily a bad answer. I think it's good to have the guts to say you are mortified or embarrassed if you did sth wrong. However, in this case, OP really didn't. So admitting being embarrassed for sth you are not responsible for... Why should she (continue to) do that? If I understand correctly her immediate reaction showed she was embarrassed. No reason to continue with it, as if it was a big thing. It really wasn't.
– BigMadAndy
11 hours ago
4
4
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
I am not sure the particular response is the best, but the OP should pick a stock response and stick with it. The objective is to make bringing the topic up as boring as possible.
– Patricia Shanahan
11 hours ago
5
5
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
To be frank, I think this is the best answer so far. Thank you!
– Mom344
11 hours ago
2
2
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
My only other advice would be, drink lots of champagne this weekend!
– Fattie
9 hours ago
1
1
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
Let's face it - it's the best answer. Anyone who doesn't think so, is sober.
– Fattie
8 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.
They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.
If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.
The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
|
show 6 more comments
I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.
They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.
If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.
The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
|
show 6 more comments
I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.
They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.
If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.
The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.
I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.
They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.
If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.
The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.
edited 15 hours ago
answered 16 hours ago
BigMadAndyBigMadAndy
12.4k102259
12.4k102259
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
|
show 6 more comments
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
3
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.
– Mom344
16 hours ago
8
8
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
+1 @Mom344 The more relaxed you take this, the more this will die away. Tell them that you expected a Facebook party turning up and are disappointed that he didn't manage to get the rowdy crowd to even create a mess, so he worked on it himself. Or that he forgot his beer goggles, smelled the pine-fresh and did not realise he is outside of the house. Something like that, according to your tastes. The more you take it as a joke, the more you have potential to come out as a winner from this situation. In short: the less you show being worried about your authority, the less you will need to be.
– Captain Emacs
15 hours ago
5
5
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
Yeah, everyones kids embarrass them sooner or later... laugh it off, it's not important.... and most males got drunk and peed somewhere they shouldn't at some point (I'm not admitting anything)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
3
3
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
Not the popular opinion, but I disagree. Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.
– Mike Borkland
12 hours ago
5
5
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
Yes, unfortunately the last part of this answer is wrong IMO. NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".
– Fattie
12 hours ago
|
show 6 more comments
I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.
Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.
With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!
add a comment |
I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.
Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.
With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!
add a comment |
I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.
Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.
With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!
I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.
Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.
With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!
edited 11 hours ago
answered 13 hours ago
Mike BorklandMike Borkland
1913
1913
add a comment |
add a comment |
Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.
Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.
Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.
How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:
"So embarrassing!"
or
"I was mortified."
But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.
If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:
"We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"
The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.
New contributor
add a comment |
Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.
Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.
Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.
How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:
"So embarrassing!"
or
"I was mortified."
But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.
If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:
"We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"
The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.
New contributor
add a comment |
Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.
Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.
Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.
How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:
"So embarrassing!"
or
"I was mortified."
But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.
If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:
"We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"
The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.
New contributor
Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.
Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.
Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.
How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:
"So embarrassing!"
or
"I was mortified."
But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.
If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:
"We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"
The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.
New contributor
edited 1 hour ago
V2Blast
23538
23538
New contributor
answered 8 hours ago
zahbazzahbaz
1615
1615
New contributor
New contributor
add a comment |
add a comment |
Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.
It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.
add a comment |
Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.
It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.
add a comment |
Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.
It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.
Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.
It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.
answered 8 hours ago
gnasher729gnasher729
85.6k39151271
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As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.
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As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.
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As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.
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As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.
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answered 11 hours ago
theythey
101
101
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I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.
For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.
To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.
Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.
I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.
Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.
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I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.
For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.
To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.
Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.
I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.
Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.
New contributor
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I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.
For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.
To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.
Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.
I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.
Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.
New contributor
I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.
For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.
To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.
Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.
I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.
Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.
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edited 3 hours ago
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answered 5 hours ago
JoLJoL
10113
10113
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The importance of this event is only in your mind. Consider watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al6avEKEpJ0&t=3s
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The importance of this event is only in your mind. Consider watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al6avEKEpJ0&t=3s
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The importance of this event is only in your mind. Consider watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al6avEKEpJ0&t=3s
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The importance of this event is only in your mind. Consider watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al6avEKEpJ0&t=3s
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answered 5 hours ago
MadPhysicistMadPhysicist
971
971
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4
While I understand your your work concerns I think this might fall more in realm of the Interpersonal skills stack exchange - especially when I expect you to be having a conversation with your son this weekend :D
– Peter M
15 hours ago
9
I think this is definitely on the right StackExchange, since I want to know how to behave and how to react on the workplace and not about what and how to talk to my son.
– Mom344
15 hours ago
Fortunately, everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. If anyone mentions it: roll your eyes and say "How embarrassing!" Everyone will have completely forgotten about it by Noon. it's nothing, carry on!
– Fattie
12 hours ago
3
What culture are we talking about? In my culture getting drunk on weekends is not embarrassing and it is not unusual for men (especially drunk ones) to relieve themselves at trees! :D
– M. Stern
11 hours ago
1
Yes, it's a little embarrassing, but if I was a coworker, I'd think of it as the perfect ending to a great night :) What's better than a little physical comedy? When you go into work, oh yes, the entire company will know. Simply say "Yeah, it was kinda funny, but also super embarrassing" and hope your coworkers get the idea you don't want todiscuss it. It will be a topic for a little while, but will quickly be forgotten.
– Issel
6 hours ago