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I'm a first-time manager and sometimes have difficulties judging whether my expectations towards my subordinates are realistic or not.

How assertive/ cooperative should I be in the following situation:

You work on a project with your subordinate, discuss it thoroughly. Then you meet a client (one you know very well but still, it's a client) and present the results together. After you presented a proposal, your colleague tells the client he doesn't agree that the proposal you just presented is the best one and goes on to discuss a different one.

Now, my first reaction is to have a quite serious conversation with the colleague asserting that this behavior is unacceptable. Are there any better options? If the best solution is to discuss it, how should I frame it?

Btw, it's not the first time this happened.

Now, my first reaction is to have a quite serious conversation with the colleague asserting that this behavior is unacceptable. Are there any better options? If the best solution is to discuss it, how should I frame it?

Yes, I would say that a one-on-one conversation is in place here, where you explain to your subordinate that improvising or deviating from the plan during meetings is not acceptable.

You say this is not the first time this happens, but perhaps it's the first time it happens to you as a manager, and it is important to set things straight now to avoid this from happening again.

Be firm, yet respectful, and make sure to stress that this is not acceptable behavior and that they should stick to what planned for meetings, and that they should pitch with you any ideas or suggestions for meetings before actually doing them.

First of all, this is worth establishing:

• We're all in this boat together.

This statement requires both of you to operate as a team. Free discussion is something that is quite desirable when the team is together and deciding execution options, but the Client should only see the final result of this discussion - an united front. Which takes us to the second statement:

• It's way better if the boat gets to the destination.

The Client may perceive this lack of well-defined roles as disorganization. This is dangerous - this affects their perception on how successful this project can be.

So we need clear roles:

• As Project Manager, you're the Mediator.

You're the one in direct contact with the client. You listen to the Client's woes, discuss with your team, and offer the Client the proposed Solution.

• Your colleague is the Specialist.

They're qualified to evaluate the scenario and offer possible outcomes.

So discuss all you want before the meeting. Raise possible scenarios and implementation options. If called upon at the Mediator's discretion the Specialist may chime in and freely discuss during a live meeting.

But no conflict of roles should transpire at a meeting with the client, at the risk of weakening the Client's reliance on the capability of your team to deliver.

Finally, answering your question:

If the best solution is to discuss it, how should I frame it?

I agree that this needs to be addressed. Show your colleague the importance of projecting an image of functional, coherent team to a client.

You don't need to be "bossy", but you certainly need to inform that employee of a few things:

• Such behavior is a major signal to the client that your business doesn't know what it's doing. You will either not win bids, or will get fired by the client. You will have a bad reputation with that client, which will spread to any other potential clients that they talk to. This has the potential of doing major financial damage to your company and risking the livelihoods of all of you. This behavior is not acceptable and the employee must find a different way to handle the situation.




• Reservations about the solution must be brought up and addressed before presentation day. At the presentation, your company must show a united front, even if there are reservations or disagreements internally.

What can you learn on your end?

• Are the alternative solutions actually better, even in part?




• Which solutions do the clients prefer?




• Make sure everyone involved (especially everyone presenting to the client) has plenty of time to give input on the project and the presentation before final decisions are made.




• Could you officially present multiple proposals with compare/contrast and cost/benefit analysis, and let the client choose which to implement?




• Don't involve unnecessary personnel in presentations to clients.

They're not your subordinates, they're still your coworkers. If you go around thinking your better then them or that your thoughts are more valid, you're going to fail miserably. Managers aren't there to exercise tyrannical control or look good. Managers are there to make sure everyone is doing things that make the company money or otherwise meet it's goals. Suggesting that a potential solution doesn't go against that. It actually helps you reach your goal by helping you make a better decision.

Bottom line: Good managers listen to their coworkers.

Speaking like a boss is similar to convince the subordinates with words. Sometimes, rhetorical skills are defined as the result from training and a certain volume in the voice. But in reality it's much easier. Rhetorical skills are equal to educate the other side. If somebody is able to provide sense to a group, then the group will do what is necessary. A good boss looks like a teacher. He doesn't simple give orders, but he educates the other side.

A typical behavior of a failed communication with subordinates is, if they are trying to invert the social roles. That means, sometimes a subordinate is trying to educate the boss. There are two options available. Either the boss is smart enough to detect such behavior and is capable to integrate the subversive communication pattern, or he fails and will loose his authority to the other side. Then the boss has to ask himself, if he is trained enough in the subject.

You can take a cue from Netflix's famous culture deck:

The best managers figure out how to get great outcomes by setting the appropriate context, rather than by trying to control their people

If you operate under the assumption that your reports would like to do the very best thing for the company, then it's clear that their behavior in these meetings is because they are doing what they think is the very best thing for the company.

If you have other information to help them make better decisions, as a manager it's your job to provide that context. If you're not having regular 1-on-1's, you should, and it would be a reasonable time to discuss this kind of thing. However, if not you should still invite them to your office for a discussion.

You: Hey Pat, I'd like to discuss some things that have gone on in some client meetings. I'm operating under the assumption that we both are interested in what's best for the company, would you agree?

Pat: Sure, boss.

You: Great! So, in our last client pitch, and in at least two other ones, when we finished our pitch, you started providing other options that we hadn't discussed before hand. From a sales point of view, that leaves us looking kind of weak and disorganized. We really want to provide a united front to the client. Does this make sense, or do you have some information that I'm not aware of?

At this point either Pat will agree with you - either out of fear or whatever - or they will disagree with you and/or provide you more context.

It's also possible that they disagree and are wrong.

If they do agree and carry on the way you'd like, great! Problem solved.

If they disagree - or they agree, but then do the wrong thing, then you'll have to approach those hurdles.

One thing that I would also recommend is that before your next meeting you remind them - "Hey, just wanted to double check - we discussed presenting a united front for the customer, so if they ask for alternate solutions, we'll just say, 'We do have some other avenues that we can explore, but right now we believe that this really is the best approach for you. If you'd like, we can provide you some comparisons later.', Okay?"

With the reminder, and a pre-canned script for those occasions, it will be easier for them not to get off into the weeds.

The basics here though are:

• Provide context (ahead of time)


• Discuss options


• Provide frameworks and tools to keep things in check