Please check my sentence
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The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.
grammaticality sentence-structure
asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
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The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.
grammaticality sentence-structure
asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
1
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Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago
add a comment |
up vote
-1
down vote
favorite
up vote
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down vote
favorite
The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.
grammaticality sentence-structure
asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
1
New contributor
Yeng is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.
grammaticality sentence-structure
grammaticality sentence-structure
asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
1
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asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
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asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
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asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
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asked 3 hours ago
Yeng
1
1
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Yeng is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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New contributor
Yeng is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Yeng is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago
add a comment |
Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago
Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago
Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago
add a comment |
1 Answer
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This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:
Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
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1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
add a comment |
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
-2
down vote
This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:
Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
add a comment |
up vote
-2
down vote
This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:
Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
add a comment |
up vote
-2
down vote
up vote
-2
down vote
This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:
Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:
Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
answered 3 hours ago
Aubrie
1
1
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Aubrie is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
add a comment |
1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
1
1
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
We try to refrain from providing answers to questions that are clearly off-topic on ELU.
– Jim
1 hour ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
Thank you Aubrie...Much appreciated
– Yeng
29 mins ago
add a comment |
Yeng is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yeng is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yeng is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yeng is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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Hi Yeng, welcome to EL&U. Proofreading questions ("Is this correct?", "Is there a better way to write this passage?") are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified. For further guidance, see How to Ask and take the Tour. :-)
– Chappo
41 mins ago