How do I handle a situation where one of my players wants another player gone? [on hold]
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I run a game with around 6 people. One of my players (A) wants another one of my players (B) not to play with us anymore.
A has come to me in the past two different times with complaints about B, saying that B's being really disruptive during the sessions (which he was) and that he was saying offensive things/putting offensive memes in the group chat. I talked to B about it and he said that he'd work on it. This was about a month or so ago.
Just now, A has texted me saying that B has now posted some white supremacist stuff in that group chat and that he doesn't feel safe playing with B anymore and that he thinks we should should stop playing with him.
Should I ask the other group members what they think (which would be completely biased, since two of the other members were B's friends before we started playing) or should I just ask B to leave?
system-agnostic problem-players group-dynamics
New contributor
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put on hold as primarily opinion-based by doppelgreener♦ 2 days ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
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show 4 more comments
$begingroup$
I run a game with around 6 people. One of my players (A) wants another one of my players (B) not to play with us anymore.
A has come to me in the past two different times with complaints about B, saying that B's being really disruptive during the sessions (which he was) and that he was saying offensive things/putting offensive memes in the group chat. I talked to B about it and he said that he'd work on it. This was about a month or so ago.
Just now, A has texted me saying that B has now posted some white supremacist stuff in that group chat and that he doesn't feel safe playing with B anymore and that he thinks we should should stop playing with him.
Should I ask the other group members what they think (which would be completely biased, since two of the other members were B's friends before we started playing) or should I just ask B to leave?
system-agnostic problem-players group-dynamics
New contributor
$endgroup$
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by doppelgreener♦ 2 days ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
17
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Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
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– gatherer818
2 days ago
6
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Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
4
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What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
5
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I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
2
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago
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show 4 more comments
$begingroup$
I run a game with around 6 people. One of my players (A) wants another one of my players (B) not to play with us anymore.
A has come to me in the past two different times with complaints about B, saying that B's being really disruptive during the sessions (which he was) and that he was saying offensive things/putting offensive memes in the group chat. I talked to B about it and he said that he'd work on it. This was about a month or so ago.
Just now, A has texted me saying that B has now posted some white supremacist stuff in that group chat and that he doesn't feel safe playing with B anymore and that he thinks we should should stop playing with him.
Should I ask the other group members what they think (which would be completely biased, since two of the other members were B's friends before we started playing) or should I just ask B to leave?
system-agnostic problem-players group-dynamics
New contributor
$endgroup$
I run a game with around 6 people. One of my players (A) wants another one of my players (B) not to play with us anymore.
A has come to me in the past two different times with complaints about B, saying that B's being really disruptive during the sessions (which he was) and that he was saying offensive things/putting offensive memes in the group chat. I talked to B about it and he said that he'd work on it. This was about a month or so ago.
Just now, A has texted me saying that B has now posted some white supremacist stuff in that group chat and that he doesn't feel safe playing with B anymore and that he thinks we should should stop playing with him.
Should I ask the other group members what they think (which would be completely biased, since two of the other members were B's friends before we started playing) or should I just ask B to leave?
system-agnostic problem-players group-dynamics
system-agnostic problem-players group-dynamics
New contributor
New contributor
edited 2 days ago
V2Blast
25.7k488158
25.7k488158
New contributor
asked 2 days ago
Sh-a-neSh-a-ne
462
462
New contributor
New contributor
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by doppelgreener♦ 2 days ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by doppelgreener♦ 2 days ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
17
$begingroup$
Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
$endgroup$
– gatherer818
2 days ago
6
$begingroup$
Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
4
$begingroup$
What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
5
$begingroup$
I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
2
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago
|
show 4 more comments
17
$begingroup$
Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
$endgroup$
– gatherer818
2 days ago
6
$begingroup$
Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
4
$begingroup$
What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
5
$begingroup$
I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
2
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago
17
17
$begingroup$
Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
$endgroup$
– gatherer818
2 days ago
$begingroup$
Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
$endgroup$
– gatherer818
2 days ago
6
6
$begingroup$
Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
$begingroup$
Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
4
4
$begingroup$
What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
$begingroup$
What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
5
5
$begingroup$
I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
$begingroup$
I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
2
2
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago
|
show 4 more comments
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
$begingroup$
The purpose of a tabletop RPG is to be an interactive social experience where all parties involved can enjoy themselves. If at any point this is not happening then it has stopped being a fruitful and worthwhile experience.
In most situations where someones enjoyment was being infringed upon I would council weighing their concerns and discussing it with all parties involved in order to come to an amicable agreement that allowed everyone to continue enjoying themselves, or at least allowed the most people to continue doing so. However, this is not a normal situation. If player B has continued to post offensive content after being warned about it then that is already a repeat infraction.
If the offensive content is indeed white supremacist material then it bridges into something entirely different, no longer just a source of discomfort but indeed a source of real danger and dread for your other players. I do not know Player A's situation, whether they are a POC, a woman, a religious minority, lgbt, or if they are just a white straight Christian dude who is uncomfortable with bigotry, but the very nature of white supremacy is antithetical to the environment of TTRPG because it is inherently dangerous to everyone.
Of course ask to see the group chats and verify if what they say is going on, but also be prepared to act on it if and when it is true, and also if you feel it isn't white supremacist ask Player A to tell you why they think it is, and then address the situation with player B to see their response. Player B's reaction might tell you everything that you need, but don't ever tell them it was Player A that pointed it out, for their own safety.
New contributor
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add a comment |
$begingroup$
Ask to see the group chat posts before you make your decision. Evidence is hard to argue with, and seeing as you’ve had to talk to B before about offensive content, it would be harder for them to claim it’s a joke.
If A is correct and he is posting these sorts of things, it may be best to let B go. Otherwise, you are likely going to lose player A if they don’t feel safe playing at your table. Better to lose the troublemaker and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them.
$endgroup$
add a comment |
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
$begingroup$
The purpose of a tabletop RPG is to be an interactive social experience where all parties involved can enjoy themselves. If at any point this is not happening then it has stopped being a fruitful and worthwhile experience.
In most situations where someones enjoyment was being infringed upon I would council weighing their concerns and discussing it with all parties involved in order to come to an amicable agreement that allowed everyone to continue enjoying themselves, or at least allowed the most people to continue doing so. However, this is not a normal situation. If player B has continued to post offensive content after being warned about it then that is already a repeat infraction.
If the offensive content is indeed white supremacist material then it bridges into something entirely different, no longer just a source of discomfort but indeed a source of real danger and dread for your other players. I do not know Player A's situation, whether they are a POC, a woman, a religious minority, lgbt, or if they are just a white straight Christian dude who is uncomfortable with bigotry, but the very nature of white supremacy is antithetical to the environment of TTRPG because it is inherently dangerous to everyone.
Of course ask to see the group chats and verify if what they say is going on, but also be prepared to act on it if and when it is true, and also if you feel it isn't white supremacist ask Player A to tell you why they think it is, and then address the situation with player B to see their response. Player B's reaction might tell you everything that you need, but don't ever tell them it was Player A that pointed it out, for their own safety.
New contributor
$endgroup$
add a comment |
$begingroup$
The purpose of a tabletop RPG is to be an interactive social experience where all parties involved can enjoy themselves. If at any point this is not happening then it has stopped being a fruitful and worthwhile experience.
In most situations where someones enjoyment was being infringed upon I would council weighing their concerns and discussing it with all parties involved in order to come to an amicable agreement that allowed everyone to continue enjoying themselves, or at least allowed the most people to continue doing so. However, this is not a normal situation. If player B has continued to post offensive content after being warned about it then that is already a repeat infraction.
If the offensive content is indeed white supremacist material then it bridges into something entirely different, no longer just a source of discomfort but indeed a source of real danger and dread for your other players. I do not know Player A's situation, whether they are a POC, a woman, a religious minority, lgbt, or if they are just a white straight Christian dude who is uncomfortable with bigotry, but the very nature of white supremacy is antithetical to the environment of TTRPG because it is inherently dangerous to everyone.
Of course ask to see the group chats and verify if what they say is going on, but also be prepared to act on it if and when it is true, and also if you feel it isn't white supremacist ask Player A to tell you why they think it is, and then address the situation with player B to see their response. Player B's reaction might tell you everything that you need, but don't ever tell them it was Player A that pointed it out, for their own safety.
New contributor
$endgroup$
add a comment |
$begingroup$
The purpose of a tabletop RPG is to be an interactive social experience where all parties involved can enjoy themselves. If at any point this is not happening then it has stopped being a fruitful and worthwhile experience.
In most situations where someones enjoyment was being infringed upon I would council weighing their concerns and discussing it with all parties involved in order to come to an amicable agreement that allowed everyone to continue enjoying themselves, or at least allowed the most people to continue doing so. However, this is not a normal situation. If player B has continued to post offensive content after being warned about it then that is already a repeat infraction.
If the offensive content is indeed white supremacist material then it bridges into something entirely different, no longer just a source of discomfort but indeed a source of real danger and dread for your other players. I do not know Player A's situation, whether they are a POC, a woman, a religious minority, lgbt, or if they are just a white straight Christian dude who is uncomfortable with bigotry, but the very nature of white supremacy is antithetical to the environment of TTRPG because it is inherently dangerous to everyone.
Of course ask to see the group chats and verify if what they say is going on, but also be prepared to act on it if and when it is true, and also if you feel it isn't white supremacist ask Player A to tell you why they think it is, and then address the situation with player B to see their response. Player B's reaction might tell you everything that you need, but don't ever tell them it was Player A that pointed it out, for their own safety.
New contributor
$endgroup$
The purpose of a tabletop RPG is to be an interactive social experience where all parties involved can enjoy themselves. If at any point this is not happening then it has stopped being a fruitful and worthwhile experience.
In most situations where someones enjoyment was being infringed upon I would council weighing their concerns and discussing it with all parties involved in order to come to an amicable agreement that allowed everyone to continue enjoying themselves, or at least allowed the most people to continue doing so. However, this is not a normal situation. If player B has continued to post offensive content after being warned about it then that is already a repeat infraction.
If the offensive content is indeed white supremacist material then it bridges into something entirely different, no longer just a source of discomfort but indeed a source of real danger and dread for your other players. I do not know Player A's situation, whether they are a POC, a woman, a religious minority, lgbt, or if they are just a white straight Christian dude who is uncomfortable with bigotry, but the very nature of white supremacy is antithetical to the environment of TTRPG because it is inherently dangerous to everyone.
Of course ask to see the group chats and verify if what they say is going on, but also be prepared to act on it if and when it is true, and also if you feel it isn't white supremacist ask Player A to tell you why they think it is, and then address the situation with player B to see their response. Player B's reaction might tell you everything that you need, but don't ever tell them it was Player A that pointed it out, for their own safety.
New contributor
New contributor
answered 2 days ago
Peter SabaPeter Saba
1818
1818
New contributor
New contributor
add a comment |
add a comment |
$begingroup$
Ask to see the group chat posts before you make your decision. Evidence is hard to argue with, and seeing as you’ve had to talk to B before about offensive content, it would be harder for them to claim it’s a joke.
If A is correct and he is posting these sorts of things, it may be best to let B go. Otherwise, you are likely going to lose player A if they don’t feel safe playing at your table. Better to lose the troublemaker and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them.
$endgroup$
add a comment |
$begingroup$
Ask to see the group chat posts before you make your decision. Evidence is hard to argue with, and seeing as you’ve had to talk to B before about offensive content, it would be harder for them to claim it’s a joke.
If A is correct and he is posting these sorts of things, it may be best to let B go. Otherwise, you are likely going to lose player A if they don’t feel safe playing at your table. Better to lose the troublemaker and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them.
$endgroup$
add a comment |
$begingroup$
Ask to see the group chat posts before you make your decision. Evidence is hard to argue with, and seeing as you’ve had to talk to B before about offensive content, it would be harder for them to claim it’s a joke.
If A is correct and he is posting these sorts of things, it may be best to let B go. Otherwise, you are likely going to lose player A if they don’t feel safe playing at your table. Better to lose the troublemaker and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them.
$endgroup$
Ask to see the group chat posts before you make your decision. Evidence is hard to argue with, and seeing as you’ve had to talk to B before about offensive content, it would be harder for them to claim it’s a joke.
If A is correct and he is posting these sorts of things, it may be best to let B go. Otherwise, you are likely going to lose player A if they don’t feel safe playing at your table. Better to lose the troublemaker and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them.
answered 2 days ago
FalconerFalconer
39317
39317
add a comment |
add a comment |
17
$begingroup$
Your question is a little confusing... it sounds like you're just having to take A's word that B is posting stuff about white supremacy and other offensive things in the group chat, do you not have access to this chat? Also, how the group is organized might be important - you mention not everyone was friends before the game, so is it a school club (if so, college, high school, other?) or were invites passed through friends-of-friends or what? Different situations might call for different responses.
$endgroup$
– gatherer818
2 days ago
6
$begingroup$
Can you get a proof of the things that happen in the group chat? Or do you have to take it on faith?
$endgroup$
– Mołot
2 days ago
4
$begingroup$
What is your relationship to these people? Why is it assumed that you have authority to oust someone?
$endgroup$
– DonFusili
2 days ago
5
$begingroup$
I'm closing this question because in its current shape it is primarily inviting opinion. However given some additional information this could be potentially answerable. That information is: (a) What is your relationship to these individuals? Is this a random internet group or a number of close friends? (b) What's your visibility into this group chat? And most importantly for this not being primarily opinion-based: (c) What's your goal? What kind of resolution would you like? We can guide you concretely in how to achieve that goal, which would make this not primarily opinion-based.
$endgroup$
– doppelgreener♦
2 days ago
2
$begingroup$
This question is attracting a lot of unsubstantiated answers (prior to being put on hold). Please remember to cite your experience in this issue when you try to solve the querent's problem. Unsubstantiated answers that are insufficiently backed up by experience are impossible to validate for quality and will likely be down-voted and risk deletion for violating site policies.
$endgroup$
– Bloodcinder
2 days ago